If you want a release for anger, I could do that too, but... that'd probably be better for if you had a room full of objects to take out your anger on.
[Thoughtfully:] I wonder if Lucas could help set up a room like that...
[And then he looks to Kurama.] But... for now, we'd just focus on the other feelings.
Technically, I can manipulate each individual emotion at will. I can't do more than three at the same time, though, and it's even harder if I'm encouraging certain emotions while trying to dampen others.
[His hand comes up to fidget a bit with his bangs.]
Also, you knowing I'm doing it is going to make it a lot tougher, as well... Because once you know, it tends not to have as strong as an effect. But...
[...]
It might still be just as effective, if not more so... if you really just... let yourself sink into it. In other words... don't fight it.
[His breath catches a little, though, as Kurama willingly leans into him, and there sure is a swell of... surprise. He's... touched, that Kurama is extending this much trust to him...
Very gently, he brings his arms up and settles them on the other's back, gaze softening.]
Okay... I'll start you out with some calm. That should be a bit easier to give into... and then we can go from there.
[Akira is exceedingly careful and precise as he focuses on his ability. It's very slow, very gently that he introduces that calm. If Kurama weren't aware and couldn't sense it, it would feel like a natural decline of adrenaline. And he'll find that the more he's able to give in, the more calm he'll feel.
Meanwhile, Akira is gently rubbing up and down with a spine. He speaks gently.]
Thanks for letting me do this... And for not disapproving. Both those things, especially together... really mean a lot.
[There's resistance at first. He can't help it. His thoughts and feelings, his inner existence, is the one thing he's fought to keep all control of his entire life.]
I know that you only want to help, Akira. I wouldn't hold that against you.
[He told Akira he would try. Kurama braces himself and does the exact opposite of what his instincts and fears scream for. He is the master of his own mind...
And he methodically dismantles his defenses, surrendering to Akira's power. Kurama relaxes into Akira's hold more and more as he sinks into the calm.]
[He leans into it... a lot faster than Akira actually thought he would. He's actually kind of awed... He murmurs softly.]
That's a lot of trust you're putting in me... we barely even know each other.
[He supports Kurama's weight as he sinks in, letting out a slow breath.]
You're doing amazing. Okay... [A beat.] Just so you know, if you don't want... you don't have to breathe a word to me. Just know I'm here for you.
[And gently, tentatively, he'll begin working on his emotions. Using his own finely-tuned empathy as a guide, he'll nudge the negative emotions that he comes across, except for fear and anger. The rest are bolstered just the slightest bit, to allow them to come into focus.
Then, he'll gently introduce a sense of security— or, more likely, be coaxing the sense of security that's already there. If Kurama fights back against any of those emotions, he'll wait a bit, then give it another nudge. It's a gentle reminder; I'm here. I deserve to be felt. Let me.]
You haven't hidden the kind of person you are... How much you care about people... The lengths you'll go to...
Personas or not, you're very much Akira Kurusu in all the best ways.
[There's something sadly wistful to those last words even before Akira starts working. It's the last moment those feelings are tempered to something gentle.
They don't even so much need to be brought into focus. Those negative emotions are a near constant boil underneath everything else he feels and does. Leashed and chained by force of will. And once Akira coaxes that into releasing...
Kurama shatters.
Pain, guilt, self-loathing, it all pours free as Kurama breaks and starts to sob in Akira's arms, shaking helplessly.]
[A small noise escapes his throat at those words; he supposes... it was pretty apparent how hard he fought for Ren.
There's the word again; Personas. He turns his head just slightly at it, but doesn't say anything.
... ah.
Akira would be lying if he said he expected such an overwhelming success on their first try. But, regardless, he tightens his hold, giving Kurama a reassuring squeeze as his brow creases.
It's a hell of a lot of pain that's built up, and it's making Akira's own throat lock up, a pressure building behind his eyes. But he keeps his breaths deep, calm, and steady...
There's no need to coax or dampen anything else, at the moment, unless he suspects Kurama's fear or anger are getting out of hand. Instead, he simply patiently waits for the redhead to ride out the storm of emotions.]
[The words are low and choked, breaking off altogether at times when Kurama just stops breathing. There's an undercurrent of hopelessness that he's been struggling to bury and ignore, and it rushes free with everything else.
Kurama outright clings to Akira, sobs occasionally cracked through by a quiet keen of pure anguish.
1300 years of pain, repressed and only vented by acts of cruelty.
It takes a while for a storm like that to ebb, for the crying to ease and the redhead to start to fall limp with exhaustion in Akira's hold.]
[Akira's breath quakes slightly as he rubs Kurama's back and hushes him, his heart squeezing painfully at the repeated apologies.
Akira has done this over a dozen times by now. Been exposed to others' pain as they released it, again and again and again.
But this is... brutal. Waves upon waves of emotional pain crashing against him, again and again with not nearly enough time to recover from the previous one. His own walls, built up over so much time and repeated exposure to others' emotions, already damaged by the past couple of weeks... are no match for Kurama's torrent of suffering.
His breath shakes and shudders as his own tears break free, and he lowers his head, burying it into Kurama's shoulder. It's all he can do to keep his own sobs muffled against Kurama's, his own buried pain swirling with the demon's. That cling is returned, just as much intensity and desperation within it.
Even when Kurama's finally calmed down, Akira's breath is still shuddering along with his body. His brow furrows hard as he forces those feelings back down... and his own breath, after several seconds, finally starts to even out.
Akira will wait to see how well Kurama's feeling naturally before artificially inducing any relief...]
[Kurama doesn't miss that Akira is still shuddering even as he himself starts to drift into a soft, emotionally drained fog. Or the time it takes for Akira's breathing to start settling. He shifts to curl gentle fingers into Akira's hair, stroking slowly. Trying to offer Akira whatever comfort he can.
As far as his own emotions go, beyond that drained numbness is far more relief than Kurama would have expected. The things that cause him pain haven't disappeared. But like lancing an infection, the buildup of bottled pain turning more and more sour has been expelled. He feels...lighter.]
The gentle fingers in his hair do have his breath catching slightly, and then... he relaxes, giving Kurama a little smile. Now he can feel the definite presence of relief in the other's body.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 10:48 pm (UTC)[There's something painfully haunted to those words. Kurama shakes his head and starts to stand.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 10:50 pm (UTC)[Akira gently tugs his wrist back down.]
I'm not giving up that easy. Tell me more. What exactly would trigger you losing control like that?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 11:03 pm (UTC)It would depend on just what got released. At worst, just touching me would-
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 11:31 pm (UTC)[Kurama gives Akira a slightly grim half smile.]
Anger?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 11:35 pm (UTC)[Thoughtfully:] I wonder if Lucas could help set up a room like that...
[And then he looks to Kurama.] But... for now, we'd just focus on the other feelings.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 03:59 am (UTC)[A little of the coiled tension eases into tentative relief.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 04:28 am (UTC)[His hand comes up to fidget a bit with his bangs.]
Also, you knowing I'm doing it is going to make it a lot tougher, as well... Because once you know, it tends not to have as strong as an effect. But...
[...]
It might still be just as effective, if not more so... if you really just... let yourself sink into it. In other words... don't fight it.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 04:52 am (UTC)[But he settles back next to him properly at last. He's quiet for a long moment. Finally, Kurama leans slightly into Akira.]
Not fear. It's too dangerous. The others... I'll try not to fight it.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 05:20 am (UTC)[His breath catches a little, though, as Kurama willingly leans into him, and there sure is a swell of... surprise. He's... touched, that Kurama is extending this much trust to him...
Very gently, he brings his arms up and settles them on the other's back, gaze softening.]
Okay... I'll start you out with some calm. That should be a bit easier to give into... and then we can go from there.
[Akira is exceedingly careful and precise as he focuses on his ability. It's very slow, very gently that he introduces that calm. If Kurama weren't aware and couldn't sense it, it would feel like a natural decline of adrenaline. And he'll find that the more he's able to give in, the more calm he'll feel.
Meanwhile, Akira is gently rubbing up and down with a spine. He speaks gently.]
Thanks for letting me do this... And for not disapproving. Both those things, especially together... really mean a lot.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 06:34 am (UTC)I know that you only want to help, Akira. I wouldn't hold that against you.
[He told Akira he would try. Kurama braces himself and does the exact opposite of what his instincts and fears scream for. He is the master of his own mind...
And he methodically dismantles his defenses, surrendering to Akira's power. Kurama relaxes into Akira's hold more and more as he sinks into the calm.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 12:29 am (UTC)That's a lot of trust you're putting in me... we barely even know each other.
[He supports Kurama's weight as he sinks in, letting out a slow breath.]
You're doing amazing. Okay... [A beat.] Just so you know, if you don't want... you don't have to breathe a word to me. Just know I'm here for you.
[And gently, tentatively, he'll begin working on his emotions. Using his own finely-tuned empathy as a guide, he'll nudge the negative emotions that he comes across, except for fear and anger. The rest are bolstered just the slightest bit, to allow them to come into focus.
Then, he'll gently introduce a sense of security— or, more likely, be coaxing the sense of security that's already there. If Kurama fights back against any of those emotions, he'll wait a bit, then give it another nudge. It's a gentle reminder; I'm here. I deserve to be felt. Let me.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 05:13 am (UTC)Personas or not, you're very much Akira Kurusu in all the best ways.
[There's something sadly wistful to those last words even before Akira starts working. It's the last moment those feelings are tempered to something gentle.
They don't even so much need to be brought into focus. Those negative emotions are a near constant boil underneath everything else he feels and does. Leashed and chained by force of will. And once Akira coaxes that into releasing...
Kurama shatters.
Pain, guilt, self-loathing, it all pours free as Kurama breaks and starts to sob in Akira's arms, shaking helplessly.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 04:52 pm (UTC)There's the word again; Personas. He turns his head just slightly at it, but doesn't say anything.
... ah.
Akira would be lying if he said he expected such an overwhelming success on their first try. But, regardless, he tightens his hold, giving Kurama a reassuring squeeze as his brow creases.
It's a hell of a lot of pain that's built up, and it's making Akira's own throat lock up, a pressure building behind his eyes. But he keeps his breaths deep, calm, and steady...
There's no need to coax or dampen anything else, at the moment, unless he suspects Kurama's fear or anger are getting out of hand. Instead, he simply patiently waits for the redhead to ride out the storm of emotions.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 05:44 pm (UTC)[The words are low and choked, breaking off altogether at times when Kurama just stops breathing. There's an undercurrent of hopelessness that he's been struggling to bury and ignore, and it rushes free with everything else.
Kurama outright clings to Akira, sobs occasionally cracked through by a quiet keen of pure anguish.
1300 years of pain, repressed and only vented by acts of cruelty.
It takes a while for a storm like that to ebb, for the crying to ease and the redhead to start to fall limp with exhaustion in Akira's hold.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 06:38 pm (UTC)Akira has done this over a dozen times by now. Been exposed to others' pain as they released it, again and again and again.
But this is... brutal. Waves upon waves of emotional pain crashing against him, again and again with not nearly enough time to recover from the previous one. His own walls, built up over so much time and repeated exposure to others' emotions, already damaged by the past couple of weeks... are no match for Kurama's torrent of suffering.
His breath shakes and shudders as his own tears break free, and he lowers his head, burying it into Kurama's shoulder. It's all he can do to keep his own sobs muffled against Kurama's, his own buried pain swirling with the demon's. That cling is returned, just as much intensity and desperation within it.
Even when Kurama's finally calmed down, Akira's breath is still shuddering along with his body. His brow furrows hard as he forces those feelings back down... and his own breath, after several seconds, finally starts to even out.
Akira will wait to see how well Kurama's feeling naturally before artificially inducing any relief...]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 04:48 am (UTC)As far as his own emotions go, beyond that drained numbness is far more relief than Kurama would have expected. The things that cause him pain haven't disappeared. But like lancing an infection, the buildup of bottled pain turning more and more sour has been expelled. He feels...lighter.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 06:40 pm (UTC)The gentle fingers in his hair do have his breath catching slightly, and then... he relaxes, giving Kurama a little smile. Now he can feel the definite presence of relief in the other's body.]
Not too horrible, right?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 07:10 pm (UTC)Kurama sighs quietly, but returns the smile. He makes an attempt to sit back up but... well...
That doesn't work out.]
That was extremely horrible, Akira, and you know it. But... it did help.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-01 05:26 pm (UTC)[...noodly Kurama is cute, though. He'll just gently pat his back.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-01 06:53 pm (UTC)[He sounds tired but coherent. Kurama doesn't bother trying to get up again yet, though. He just curls his fingers gently into Akira's shirt.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-01 07:39 pm (UTC)I'm just glad I was able to help.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-02 05:34 am (UTC)I want to help you, too, you know...