[Ah. That's a terribly, terribly familiar line of reasoning. It carried Kurama through Maze Castle, through the Dark Tournament, most of the way through Sensui...
It carried him through half of the mall.
Until it stopped carrying him and started drowning him.
Kurama steps closer, lifting a hand to touch Akira's face gently. He shakes his head, expression soft and concerned.]
It's exactly because we're going through hell that you can't do this, Akira. You're not managing, are you? You're just doing exactly what I did and tucking everything away in little boxes for a later that never comes.
'If you get overwhelmed'... do you think that's guaranteed to happen at a safe time and place if it's because you simply have no more strength left? If the center cannot hold?
I let you help me, Akira. [His voice softens further, but there's unmistakable conviction under that gentleness.] Please, let me help you, too.
[Akira's breath outright catches as Kurama's hand touches his face. He's staring at him, wide-eyed, cheeks a little pink. As he talks, he can't quite help the shiver that runs through his body.
Heh... Kurama really... is a lot like him...
He swallows thickly, and blinks at the redhead, letting out a slightly uneven breath. He's... tense...]
[That reaction... Kurama tucks that away to think about later.
The hand on Akira's face strokes his cheek gently before slipping to rest against the back of Akira's neck. The tug is delicate, barely there, urging Akira closer without demanding anything.
He smiles, small and soft and maybe just a tiny bit sad?]
I want to help you because I care about you, Akira.
[He kind of wishes Kurama would stop looking at him like that, and his gaze trails away. He feels that inviting tug, and some part of him... genuinely aches to sink into it.
After a moment, he reaches up and takes his glasses off, folding them and putting them into a pocket. Then he quietly steps forward, and slowly lowers his head onto Kurama's shoulder. But the movement is somehow... stiff and forced. Like part of him doesn't want to do this, even when part of him does.]
[There's a brief moment where it seems like Kurama will try to keep him from drawing away... but it passes, with a flicker of pained resignation. He won't keep Akira anywhere he doesn't want to be.]
I deserve very little, Ren least of all, I think. But I suppose I'm glad you think so well of me.
[He sighs quietly.]
I don't have any objections to you being with Ren, Akira. I would never. You're better for him than I am to begin with. If the two of you can make each other happy, there's little that would please me more. You're both important to me.
[...ah. He felt that. He stops receding and tenses up a bit. He didn't mean— he's fucking this up, isn't he...]
I do think well of you.
[There's a small edge of frustration to his words, and he looks up at Kurama, gaze challenging.]
You've been nothing but good to both of us since we got here, Kurama... What the hell does it matter that you have other people already? Or that you've done awful things in the past? The important part is genuinely caring...
Unless you only care because you're looking for your boyfriend in us. Because you miss him and you feel like you can be with him in some small part if you're with us.
[Heh, why the hell is he—... He swallows thickly, eyes getting slightly glossy.]
Is that what it is?
[...shit, and his voice isn't quite stable when he says that, either...]
Do you think that I'm not still capable of terrible things, Akira? It's not as simple as placing it in the past.
[Kurama sounds more sad than anything, though that changes as Akira goes on. Looking for his- Fire sparks in green eyes, his expression hardening. It's not anger, but it's definitely something fierce.]
I did only tell Ren this, didn't I? The exact reason I went out of my way to spend time with both of you from the start was so I wouldn't fall prey to that! I had to know you, to see more than a face and superficial similarities, so that I see you and not him.
And both of you are well worth caring about on your own merits...
[... heh. He knew that, honestly. As he'd gotten to know Kurama, it was clear he wasn't that sort of person.
He just needed the other to say it, so that he can start moving forward, either to get up in Kurama's face or start forcing him back— depends on how Kurama reacts...]
Then what is it that's so terrible about you that we shouldn't dare to get close to you? What could be so awful that it outweighs everything you've done for us. All your concern, your hugs, and just your companionship...
What could be so unbearable about you that it would be better to take all of those things away?!
[Kurama's smile is small and wistful and one of surrender. His emotions are like...a tangle of thorns wrapped in cotton. Pain and guilt softened by affection and...maybe something deeper than just affection?]
[There's a brief, sharp stab of pain that breaks through the fuzz before... Kurama's emotions just disappear entirely. He might as well not be there, as far as Akira's empathy is concerned.
He takes a step back before remembering the Anger Room is all that's behind him.]
The smile, the final question... Kurama forgets to breathe for a minute. All the masks crack and fall away. His emotions are back, open for Akira to read even if they weren't all played out on his face and in his eyes.
A soft, aching vulnerability. Fear, desire, guilt, hope.
Love.
He doesn't know what to say. Isn't sure he could pull in the breath to say it if he did.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-04-05 06:13 am (UTC)It carried him through half of the mall.
Until it stopped carrying him and started drowning him.
Kurama steps closer, lifting a hand to touch Akira's face gently. He shakes his head, expression soft and concerned.]
It's exactly because we're going through hell that you can't do this, Akira. You're not managing, are you? You're just doing exactly what I did and tucking everything away in little boxes for a later that never comes.
'If you get overwhelmed'... do you think that's guaranteed to happen at a safe time and place if it's because you simply have no more strength left? If the center cannot hold?
I let you help me, Akira. [His voice softens further, but there's unmistakable conviction under that gentleness.] Please, let me help you, too.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-05 06:27 am (UTC)Heh... Kurama really... is a lot like him...
He swallows thickly, and blinks at the redhead, letting out a slightly uneven breath. He's... tense...]
You want to help me to repay the favor?
[He's watching Kurama carefully now...]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-05 06:35 am (UTC)The hand on Akira's face strokes his cheek gently before slipping to rest against the back of Akira's neck. The tug is delicate, barely there, urging Akira closer without demanding anything.
He smiles, small and soft and maybe just a tiny bit sad?]
I want to help you because I care about you, Akira.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 06:11 am (UTC)[He kind of wishes Kurama would stop looking at him like that, and his gaze trails away. He feels that inviting tug, and some part of him... genuinely aches to sink into it.
After a moment, he reaches up and takes his glasses off, folding them and putting them into a pocket. Then he quietly steps forward, and slowly lowers his head onto Kurama's shoulder. But the movement is somehow... stiff and forced. Like part of him doesn't want to do this, even when part of him does.]
... I heard you talking to Ren in the kitchen.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 06:41 am (UTC)I know. That form has even keener senses than this one.
[He closes his eyes.]
I'm sorry if I overstepped. I know you have strong feelings for Ren.
[And more right to them, when Akira didn't have promises to absent loves keeping him from truly...]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 11:44 pm (UTC)Overstepped...?
[His tone almost seems— hurt... He starts to draw away.]
I don't have any claim on him. Not to mention that I'd be a huge hypocrite if I told you to back off.
He deserves people who love him— especially someone as.. passionate about it as you.
And if he feels the same way, then you deserve him, too.
[He looks away.]
If you're fine with me and him being a thing, too, then you don't have to worry... I won't be an obstacle to you two.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 04:36 am (UTC)I deserve very little, Ren least of all, I think. But I suppose I'm glad you think so well of me.
[He sighs quietly.]
I don't have any objections to you being with Ren, Akira. I would never. You're better for him than I am to begin with. If the two of you can make each other happy, there's little that would please me more. You're both important to me.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 05:37 am (UTC)I do think well of you.
[There's a small edge of frustration to his words, and he looks up at Kurama, gaze challenging.]
You've been nothing but good to both of us since we got here, Kurama... What the hell does it matter that you have other people already? Or that you've done awful things in the past? The important part is genuinely caring...
Unless you only care because you're looking for your boyfriend in us. Because you miss him and you feel like you can be with him in some small part if you're with us.
[Heh, why the hell is he—... He swallows thickly, eyes getting slightly glossy.]
Is that what it is?
[...shit, and his voice isn't quite stable when he says that, either...]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 07:03 am (UTC)[Kurama sounds more sad than anything, though that changes as Akira goes on. Looking for his- Fire sparks in green eyes, his expression hardening. It's not anger, but it's definitely something fierce.]
I did only tell Ren this, didn't I? The exact reason I went out of my way to spend time with both of you from the start was so I wouldn't fall prey to that! I had to know you, to see more than a face and superficial similarities, so that I see you and not him.
And both of you are well worth caring about on your own merits...
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 05:41 pm (UTC)He just needed the other to say it, so that he can start moving forward, either to get up in Kurama's face or start forcing him back— depends on how Kurama reacts...]
Then what is it that's so terrible about you that we shouldn't dare to get close to you? What could be so awful that it outweighs everything you've done for us. All your concern, your hugs, and just your companionship...
What could be so unbearable about you that it would be better to take all of those things away?!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 08:00 pm (UTC)[Kurama looks down at Akira with open pain on his face. His hands move to catch Akira's arms gently. So damn gently.]
What you did... you helped me find my way out of a very dark place. And I'm stronger for it. Much stronger.
But there are still things that would break me. Secrets I need to stay hidden in the dark.
Please. I just need a little longer.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 08:30 pm (UTC)... fine. But no more talk about me being better for him. And if you really do care about him, you won't pull away without giving him a chance...
[He gives a sigh and looks away...]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 08:41 pm (UTC)But isn't sure it would be welcome.]
I won't pull away. Not from him, and not from you. Not unless one of you, or both of you... decide you don't want me around anymore.
I promise.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 02:38 am (UTC)Akira stands still for a moment, then lets the tension drain out of him.]
And no more talk about me being better for him.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 02:45 am (UTC)As you wish.
cotten
Date: 2019-04-12 03:12 am (UTC)I— uh...
:c
Date: 2019-04-12 03:27 am (UTC)Kurama lifts a hand, fingertips delicately brushing one red cheek before falling away. There's a flicker of something sad.]
...is that too far?
i love you <3
Date: 2019-04-12 03:39 am (UTC)Congrats on flustering Akira speechless.]
/huff
Date: 2019-04-12 03:59 am (UTC)But the ongoing speechlessness is still enough to build nervous tension. Uncertainty creeps into Kurama's green eyes and his emotions.]
Akira?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 04:10 am (UTC)[Oh, look, a functioning voice box. He... slowly brings up a hand to cover the lower half of his face.]
You know, it totally just sounded like you Princess Brided me, right there.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 05:01 am (UTC)[They don't vanish but Kurama's emotions go fuzzy and hard to read as he tries to conceal them from Akira's empathy.]
Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 05:13 am (UTC)... seriously...?
[He gives a huff and looks away.]
Nice trick, I guess. Shame it isn't retroactive.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 05:46 am (UTC)He takes a step back before remembering the Anger Room is all that's behind him.]
I didn't mean to cause you any upset.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 06:03 am (UTC)[Argh... he presses a hand to his face.]
Are you even going to let me respond, or are you seriously just going to keep assuming the worst, here?
[But... he lets out a sigh. He's felt Kurama's feelings... full-force, even. So he has an idea of what's going on here. A rough one, but...
His expression softens as he looks back at the redhead, and he manages a small smile. It's a little tired, a little hurt, but... mostly fond.]
Sheesh... why'd you have to go and back out on such a great confession, huh?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 06:32 am (UTC)[Oh.
The smile, the final question... Kurama forgets to breathe for a minute. All the masks crack and fall away. His emotions are back, open for Akira to read even if they weren't all played out on his face and in his eyes.
A soft, aching vulnerability. Fear, desire, guilt, hope.
Love.
He doesn't know what to say. Isn't sure he could pull in the breath to say it if he did.]
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